Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
