Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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