no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
