Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
