forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wear drunk well.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
