Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
