if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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