god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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