I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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