is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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