Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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