just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
