What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
