I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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