Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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