I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
