did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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