i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
