Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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