I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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