our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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