My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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