I want to have your abortion
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
