my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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