I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
