are you still at the devil's house?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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