Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
