I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
