You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
