I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
