He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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