Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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