One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
