Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
