It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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