my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
