it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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