At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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