I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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