I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
