i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
