1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
