I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
