using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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