man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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