So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
