Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
