he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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