i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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