I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
