I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
