my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
