What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
