I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
