PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
