He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
