and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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