i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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